Seven Hills Review - Spring 2002 - things I should have said

- things I should have said

Spring 2002

Open Your Eyes

Take your empty hands

And fill your palms with joy

Submit your passions

Open your eyes

Weep the cold wisdom

And dry laughter

Punish your pain

Release yourself to temptation

Open your eyes

What do you see?

The noisy silence of society, crowded emptiness

Shallow wells of water

Pumping images of calm storms and still hurricanes

Open your eyes

Blind integrity

Tainted love covered with pearls of stained black stone

Open your eyes

Beyond the high walls of imagination

And low concentration of creativity

Lies the broken barriers of ignorance

Open your eyes!

Jamie, Grade 10
Walnut Hills High School

Suppressing A Star

It was screaming on a cold day

Watching puffs of frozen words

I could believe I was smoking

Albeit I would never have the strength to do it

Never had the strength to do much of anything

But breath came in long drags

While words just come in screaming

I have a picture that swims in my head

But there's always something there

I never just felt

I had to justify

There always had to be a reason

I would not trust that I could just feel

But this morning I came out

Without reason

Moved by the spirit of the morning

I was compelled

To stand here and scream

Fully aware of the shimmer of the instant

It takes my breath aware

My throat is raw

My lungs frozen

My lips a mess of dead flesh

But I am surrounded by beauty

It's the completeness of just feeling without purpose

finally i can be what i see

finally it was my two feet

this is for me

i gave my life to the dreams other people had for me

i didn't exactly what i was told

this morning will be uncharacteristic

but i can't always hide

self-sacrificing isn't all it's cracked up to me

even with silent burning lungs

i can still see a distant star

fading in the ruthless morning light

i wonder if it's too late for it to sparkle

Lynn, Grade 11
Ursuline Academy

What I never got to say

My last good-bye was over 5 years ago

In a dark bedroom

With just a tiny ray of sunshine

Peaking through the curtains

As I am awakened from my deep sleep

I see a familiar yet such an unfamiliar loving face staring back at me

Then all of the sudden I see a tear roll down your cheek

As you manage to say under your breath, so I couldn't tell that you were crying

You say

"Wake up sweetie, I'm leaving now."

I grab onto you with dear life

For I am afraid that I will never see you again if I let go

And as I can feel your tender and strong embrace starting to lighten with every moment that I cling to you

My face becomes damp from the fresh tears

That I have started to cry

And as you let me go and lay me back down in my bed

I watch you walk out the door

As I lie there and cry I hear a voice outside my door say, "go say good-bye one more time"

Then just a few moments later

I hear the door open

And I quickly close my eyes

Thinking that you won't see the tears of sadness coming out of them

Then you bend down on one knee

And try to wake me up

Once again

But you don't succeed

And with that

I feel your tender kiss

On the top

Of my forehead

And I hear you say

"I love you"

With that I hear you get up and walk away

And close the door behind you

At that moment

I wanted to jump

Run out that door

And catch you

To tell you that I love you too

But for some reason, I couldn't do it

So I laid there and wept instead

Now I have been weeping for almost 3 months or so, since hearing about your death

You always told me to never say good-bye

Because good-bye meant forever

So I won't say good-bye to you

Because I know it's not forever

It's just for a short period of time

Til we can see one another

Once again

But I know even though you are gone now from this earth

That you are always with me

And watching over me

And now I can talk to you whenever I feel lonely

Or when I miss you

Or just when I need to talk to you

Because you're always with me wherever I go

And whatever I do you're always there

Each day is a challenge to get through

Knowing that you're not here on this earth

Anymore

But I know that you're in a far better place now

Where you're not in pain

And nothing can hurt you

So please know that I will never forget you

My whole life through

Because I have

I do

And I always will love you

Kenneth Eerbeck

September 14, 1956- July 6, 2001

Kinberly, Grade 11
Oak Hills High School

Hand in Hand

My dad's cigar smoke would fill my nostrils and I would try my hardest to soak it all up before it disappeared into thin air. The porch swing would slowly rock back and forth and I would sit on my father's lap in the fading twilight. No words were needed; we simply enjoyed the moment. Then once my dad finished smoking his cigar, the sun had set, and the mosquitoes became unbearable, we would go inside. The next evening we would start the whole ritual over again. He would always refer to us as "pete" and "repeat" because we did everything together, and because we were so much alike.

We did not have our evening swing every night. Sometimes we would go on walks, or run errands, or just watch TV together. I can still remember walking down the street with my father, my hand in his. I would always feel so proud to be seen with him, as if somehow it makes me an adult too. I never wanted these moments to go away. I had seen my sisters outgrow this phase. I had witnessed them shy away from being with Dad in public places. I would watch them speed up their pace so that they would be walking ten feet in front of my Dad and me. They were embarrassed to be seen with us. I never wanted that to happen to me. I always wanted us to stay close.

As years passed, as much as I tried to stop it, I also began to grow out of this phase. I realized that soon our special moments would disappear like the smoke from my father's cigars. No more evening swings, no more walks with my hand in his, no more sitting on my father's lap. I was getting older, too old to be my father's sidekick. As we began to change and mature, so did our relationship. I transitioned to a time when I didn't want to be seen with my dad. Inevitably, I became the self-conscious teenager I had hated as a child. It is only now, being more comfortable with myself and my identity, that my father and I have become close once again. We still sit on the porch swing together and talk and laugh, as if time has stood still. Although I am too big to sit on his lap, sitting side by side is pretty great, too.

Clair, Grade 11
Clark Montessori

Revolution

Part I

You are dormant in the sky,

The Earth is your satellite,

You're in the sky

I am running westward,

You're in my mind,

So I'm running westward.

If you beat me around the corner

To the other side of the horizon,

I'll have to wade through another lonely night,

In floating rejection,

Water without redemption

I am running westward.

Part II

After running through the latitudes,

And never meeting Dawn or noon, just the night's fire,

I realize the only way to experience you,

Is to get off the ground and acquire the wings,

To go and meet my desire

So I spread my wings, bend my knees and lunge in the sky,

It's only gravity that my heart must defy,

But I hear the voices of objectivity,

Telling me to view things as a whole,

And not through the biased hole in my heart.

So an angel comes and clips my wings,

And I fall back into the sea,

The water, chilling my soul,

Making me cold, secluding me from reason,

Still making me feel victim of treason.

And now that I can see everything,

I only want to see what I saw,

So I'd prefer if I could only surface at night,

So please, Honey, don't start another revolution tonight.

M. Godfrey, Grade 12
CHCA

Unconditionally

Mom and Dad

Standing in the shadows

Encouraging me to catch shooting stars on my tongue

Stopping me before I choke on plastic grapes

Teaching me to stand tall with my tail over my arm

Shrunk to the size of a pea, you find me under a leaf, withered

At times I tolerate you like a balloon

Find myself longing to naw out my own hair, than hear another word

Breathing out fire, piercing words

Storm simmers, rainbow Popsicles sparkle

Love, unconditionally.

Katherine, Grade 12
St. Ursula Academy

Step Dad

His pinch hurt so bad,

like your jacket zipper being caught on your chin.

I stood there stiffly,

waiting for my body to melt,

become a puddle,

slid into the vent,

and waited for him to leave for work.

Lifelessly I stood there

pretending my mind

was being packed in a box and

shipped to another country.

Anger flooded his face,

as he stood there waiting

for me to strike back

I felt like folding my body up and,

sticking it in my pocket.

I lowered my head

so he could not see the fear,

that was rising in my eyes and,

waited patiently for him to hit me again

I stood in the middle of the room,

hoping the floor would swallow me up and,

I'd disappear,

Forever.

Tania
Purcell Marian High School

Mixed Emotions

Should I really hate you

Though all you've done to me

Is just about enough to bring

The average person to their knees

Should I really love you

You've been there for me

You told time when no one else did

Not only to be mine, but also be my friend

Should I really have compassion for you

When I felt I was through

Who was always there for me

Always them, but never you

Should I really feel guilt for you

When you had what I lacked

You made bitter comments

And made me feel bad

Should I even care about you

That's hard to answer, but I do

Something tells me stick by you

Either it's I'm crazy

Or maybe I'm just true

This one thing's for sure

These mixed emotions are for you.

Lesa, Grade 8
Roselawn Condon School

Plastic Memories

There are places where I'll always be lost.

in the times when I walk down the halls

bullshiting my confidence,

pretending the knife in my back

didn't just come from my best friends hands.

Ex. is just a way of saying

I still remember what we had.

It was special...I think...maybe...

I clasp my hands to the folds

of my untucked shirt tail

and smooth back my not-so-silky hair,

imagining that no one can see

how my eyes run and hide

in the dark corners.

There's an inevitable weakness,

I know, I just watched your hair

fall 2 stories for the prince

who will never be there to save you.

But just apply another layer of lip-gloss,

maybe its glare will blind someone

into thinking you're the be all end all

of this world. You never know what you

can hide behind all that cover up.

And the only thing we'll remember

about that new kid in our religion class

is that he always could've afforded

to lose a few more pounds.

And its funny,

I'll probably remember you

the same way...

Lyndsey, Grade 9
McNicholas High School

Woman's dress

Limp and raggedy

like and old stuffed animal

lay forgotten in the corner

Spun around with memories

like thread on a spool

never ending

Once in a while

the woman will look at it

and the thread will start to unwind

Until she is tangled in a web

and can't get out

helpless like a fly.

Julie, Grade 8
Cardinal Pacelli School

A Flash of Light

I'm in the water,

going to the bottom.

I can't hold myself up.

I close my eyes and let go.

Now some light has flashed before my eyes.

Where am I?

Back on the bridge.

Laid out.

My clothes are wet.

And my body is cold.

I'm looking over the river,

and I see a marvel of things,

But there's one thing I can't quite make out.

As I look on, I can see a form stretched out,

on its back.

It lay still and calm.

Closer, closer, closer.

Stop!

This can't be!

This isn't right!

It's all wrong!

I look down at myself,

I'm dry now.

And I'm floating in the air,

all in white.

That's my body in the water,

Somehow, I've died.

Halston, Grade 10
Princeton High School

renting movies at age 12

dad and the truck outside, we'll just be a minute

four preteens make haste to the bad horror section

no PG new release for us, our feeble minds worked for other things

anything with sex in the caption would do

giggling and no shame plunking the awkward plastic on the counter

predicted shady but silent eye from the cashier

2.75 split four ways

3 minutes to figure it out but it was always my five dollar bill

you guys pay for munchies

24-hour Thriftway

89-cent sweets

it's funny now, i was sicker then

and better with numbers

renting movies at age 12

Michelle, Grade 12
Colerain High School

"Hey, it's four a.m."

I come home to the Retriever making noise,

Wanting something.

but I can't tell what. I'm not that good.

Climb the crooked stairs with the reversible mirror

And the haunted photographs.

Rattling my skull, seems I've got a song stuck in my head.

I scan the albums, the seasons, youth,

and my finger lands on "June".

I crouch down and it's like playing a slot machine,

with the tokens and levers and whatnot.

But instead it's a boom box with a boot print

I've deemed permanent...

kick it...

You know, the mafia will roll you away inside

a Persian rug when they're finished.

So here I am, surrounded in fireflies.

And so pleased to find insects floating

in this morning's unfinished business,

my dose of stale caffeine.

And I think to myself how romantic it really is.

And how lucky it would be to die that way.

Having lost nothing, I twist myself crazy

inside my sheets

I take the long way home, climb the ropes.

You must know,

I'm thinking of you.

Erin, Grade 12
Walnut Hills High School

"Relativity"

-Time is but the stream I go a fishin in. -Thoreau

Laura had almost curled herself into the fetal position on the back steps of our school. In Minnesota it gets cold at night, even in May. She's definitely a looker, she's got those sad blue eyes that are begging for you to make her smile. I was just out there for a quick smoke before all the pomp and circumstance began. I always felt alone in a big crowd of people and all I wanted was to be alone on the back steps for a few minutes that night.

Of course she didn't hear me coming. I must have been sitting next to her for at least thirty seconds with our tassels flopping in the wind before she mumbled, "Hey."

"Yo". That was our exchange for the first minute. I sat there trying to blow smoke rings and think of something to say. I figured I might just put an arm around her, we used to be pretty close. I was going to try that whole "yawn and see what happens" technique, but my arm just fell to my side. We both were quiet types, talked a lot with our friends but have no trouble being the quiet kid in the back of the class.

"Strange night, ain't it?" I said.

"Yep."

"18 years and this is what we get. A smoke under the stars with the saddest Yellow Rose of Texas I've ever seen."

That at least got a smile. That was always my nickname for her. She had shoulder length blonde hair and a slight twang she had learned from her dad growing up.

"Has it actually been three years since you and me did that skit in English class?" she asked.

"Yep, you and I managed to turn the Holy Trinity into guest of Jerry Springer." We both smiled, they never should have taught the Bible in public schools.

"Where have you been for the last three years?" she asked.

"Around. I was tempted to pass you a note theorizing whether the Virgin Mary was actually a transvestite in Calculus this year, but I figured it had been too long."

"You should have. It would have made me smile."

"You use to smile a lot, we'd crack jokes in the back of Dalmer's class. You came in after lunch each day and asked him," Any leftovers in the fridge, Jeffery?" She finally gave me a real grin. She was voted quietest in the yearbook, but if more people had seen her smile, it would have been cutest all the way.

"God that should have gotten old. The last day of class you and I spit in our hands and over a handshake we swore...

NEVER AGAIN!!!!!" We both muttered in unison. Our old mantra, it's what we all spend half our senior year saying.

I have a theory about people. If one person remembers a little detail about something, it doesn't mean much. But, when both do, it might actually mean something. And we both muttered "Never again" under our breath at the same time.

I yawned four times and kept stretching until she got the hint and snuggled against my chest. The ceremony had begun twenty minutes ago, but neither of us seemed to care.

"You know what my favorite memory of you is?" I asked.

"No, what?"

"That black tank top you use to wear. Every girl has a cleavage shirt and damn yours cut low"

"You're such a twelve year old." She said punching me in the stomach. "You know, you should have asked me on a date, I'd probably have said Yes."

"I know, it's one of those things I should have said."

For a split second I looked at Yellow Rose and thought of kissing her. I should have, but I settled for curling up with the saddest girl in my grade, trying to protect us from the cold May Minnesota night.

David, Grade 12
Walnut Hills High School