— Time Gone Dry — Time Gone DryWhen the tears stop to fall
Please let me know that I am going to be okay
Because I have used up all of my smiles on the one who made me cry
So here I lay with the shame
I thought I was doing fine
Until the last day I heard you say my name
My body froze in place
Could not move while I watched you walk away
Did you mean to break my heart?
If only the rain would fall to wash away my sorrow
My life has been turned upside down
Thought I could handle the goodbye…
But not when you said goodbye first
I looked in your eyes
I saw no sign of regret
You loved seeing me suffer
Kept going after I asked you to hold on
But my cries weren’t good enough for you
I kneeled down and laid my head in my hands
Pouring the endless river for the one I thought I loved
But you defined the word for me
How can you love someone so much?
When they make you invisible to the rest of the world
But make you the sunshine in their eyes
How could I have been so naïve to this?
My illusion of you had got me infatuated with your mystique
But I could tell my heart would always try to tell me to get out before I fell hard
Always taking my senses out of my mind
Left me to be speechless, the words I could only begin to speak were my
cries
Almost every night I sat and watch the rain fall and I could see my soul out there with it
Gave into every little jealous activity I could
Painted on a happy face when I was around you
But when I found that empty space the pain came and found me
It tore a hole in me … my heart.
I can’t believe I had been so captured by you
All I wanted to do was run to you so you could heal me back to health
Although you’re the one who was causing me weakness
You’re the only one who can stop my pain
But for me to go to you is the biggest mistake I could ever make
So I kneel down again and put my face in my hands
Look up, and hold the tears in…
Because now is the time to put the smile back upon my face
The curse of the word
The one you use when you try to run
But end back up right where you start
Eyes misting over, I stood by my mom’s casket and opened her heart locket for the last time. I did it often, taking her shimmery golden necklace in my hands, and opened the heart shaped charm, knowing there’d be nothing in there. She had another necklace also, containing three charms: all hearts—one reading ‘Mom’, another ‘Love’, and the third, simply lined with diamonds. The clasp to this one always ended up in the front of the necklace, and I’d take it and drag it to the back, where it belonged and whisper, ‘Make a wish, Mama.’
Memories. Memories burning through me. I closed the locket and kissed mom’s cold hand. I stood there for a long time, taking it all in. I think I noticed every line and ever crease on her hands, face, and neck for the first time that day. I noticed how every skin color and tone blended together, making her who she was. I stood there and ached so badly that I screamed inside for her chest to move, for any sign to tell me she was still alive.
It was still kind of hard for me to go to my step-dad’s house to visit. It shouldn’t have been, since I’d lived there for four years, but I was still getting over the pain and emptiness that losing your mom, your best friend, brings to you.
‘Make a wish, Mama.’
The words were ringing in my ears as I pictured us sitting together on the couch once again, me adjusting her necklace.
‘Make a wish, Mama.’
I made my way up to her room where I searched all of her drawers and closets for any sign of her existence. Her writing, her clothing, her scent... Anything.
I grabbed the key to the safe and rummaged through her two diaries. I had read them a million times before, and they were always the same, thanking God for everyday and always ending with ‘Good night and God bless.’
I locked the diary and the safe, put the key back, and spotted her jewelry box. She was buried with the heart locket, but not the other three charms.
‘Make a wish, Mama.’
I pulled the necklace out of her jewelry box and held it dangling from my forefinger. I watched it shine as the light reflected off of it at different angles, and placed it around my neck.
‘Make a wish, Mama.’
I went downstairs, and my step-dad asked me if I wanted to keep the necklace. Hesitating, I thought about the possible consequences of this precious gift. Could I handle all of the memories? Finally, I came to decision.
‘Yes.’
Thanking him, I retreated back to the living room. I gazed off into a world of memories... A bond broken between a mother and daughter.
To this day, I repeat the words to myself whenever I find the latch at my neckline, and somewhere in the back of my head, I can hear mom’s voice...
‘Make a wish, Mama.’
I need to see you
But you’re hidden in the shadow
Or maybe I am
Just don’t let me go below.
Let me know you’re still there
Let me know you still care
These vivid emotions too much to bear
Cause me to blink from this lifelong stare.
Running in circles, getting nowhere
Short of breath and ready to leave
Screaming for help
Tears and sweat drenching my sleeves.
I’m drowning in an ocean of tears
No longer afraid of insanity
Just afraid of fear
Save me.
Let me know you’re still there
Let me know you still care
These vivid emotions too much to bear
Cause me to blink from this lifelong stare.
A whole weekend for a science paper!
Wow won’t that be nice!
Plenty of time to piddle around
And avoid my project on mice.
Computer games and the Playstation
Are just too hard to resist.
After all, I got time to do school later,
Along with the other hundred things on my list.
Sleep in Saturday, go bowling Sunday,
Who could pass up such an offer?
Besides, I don’t want to look like a dork
Because school is the object of scoffers.
Yea, it is just way too hard
To sit down for one whole hour,
I probably should go watch some TV
Just to charge up on homework power.
Eight o’clock, then nine comes around,
But I can’t just leave from my chat,
Really, I’m not that sleepy
That I need to start my paper on rats.
Well, tragically, the time has come
I think the pressure is setting on,
It’s a good thing that this only needs to be—
WHAT?! 10 FULL PAGES!! WHAT A CON!!
Alas, I know not where to begin,
On my research of the mouse,
Man, what a pain in the butt,
I just wish I were a louse.
Yes, it seems that it has struck again
The procrastination that addicts,
Another long, long night,
I think I’m getting sick.
I’ll leave you with some wisdom,
My cherished proverbial chow:
“Hard work may pay off later,
But laziness pays off now!”
That night the shadows played across the moon just so that it seemed to be taking over with its luminous mystery. Their love was so strong it warmed the sand underneath their prancing feet. It vibrated under her slender legs and then slid away to engulf her heels as he overwhelmed her with his words. It was the first night that month that they had been able to slip away together. A long month it had been for both. She breathed in the salty air as if she hadn’t had fresh air in days. They sipped champagne and laughed together as they made their way to the gleaming fair yacht that was waiting in the sinister water. As they closed themselves into their seamless night the sky began to cry over them. They seductive feasted on steak and desserts, and indulged in each other through only their eyes. The rain beat slowly overhead their cabin as they cast off in each other’s arms. As they lay together, off in the distance the echoing of thunder could be heard. Violently the thunder turned to lightening, and illuminated the sky. The moon stood solo in the sky, now only a sliver against the glowing sky. A porthole on the yacht gave her light enough to see what she had known inside. Her heart was dangling on the edge of the far off moon, so close to falling into oblivion, so close to dropping into the depths of the dark current. As the moon gleamed overhead, the nearby steak knife gleamed as brilliantly. As he fell asleep beside her she yearned to reach for it. She contemplated her would-be success. As she caught herself mid-thought she stumbled out of his arms and fell to the floor. Hysterically she counted slowly as he had helped her to do so many times. Nearing her calamity she let the walls guide her to the deck. Turning towards the darkened cabin she blew a kiss and whispered good-bye. Allowing the tears to blend with the pounding rain she silently slid over the railing and gave herself to the current.
Morning came with a dull grayness to compliment the drenched atmosphere. He rubbed his eyes and groggily called out for her, when she did not answer he knew. She had done it for him, she had wanted him to move on without her. With no HER to go to he collapsed and wept uncontrollably for what seemed to be days. Hours later he walked back up the same beach they had laughed on together, he walked back into the life he had been destined to live; a life with his wife and family. A life now stained with the hurt of a wondrous love that could have never been and would never be.
Page by page,
day by day
the faces age
the memories spring to life.
People look different
Mr. Time has taken his toll
There’s now an extra wrinkle here,
the few extra inches there
some pictures
of lazy crazy sweatpants days
others depict
fancy holiday meals
walking back through memory lane
stirring old thoughts,
whizzing through the experiences.
I feel a connection with my past.
I am from a family divided
I am a city mouse
And a country mouse,
Some call me
A Beverly Hillbilly
I am from the beaches of the west,
From mornings with the pelicans,
And afternoons at Perry’s,
From chasing the waves
And catching the sun,
From flying a kite
While Dad reads his book
And heading home
to a warm, sandy bed.
I am from the snows of the east,
From cold winters in Ohio
With the warmest
Of homemade hot chocolate.
I am from crispy mornings in Kentucky
Plowing through the snow
With my makeshift sled,
From long days skiing
And longer nights sleeping,
From hibernation
To rehabilitation
When spring decides
To finally roll around.
I am from too-much-for-dinners
From Big Mom’s kitchen,
And Mommy’s microwave magic
From Daddy’s stove,
From peanut butter fudge,
and ripe avocados,
From meals-in-a-minute,
The World’s Best mashed potatoes,
And TOO many kids of casserole,
From a room full of unfastened buttons
On each and every pair of pants.
I am from the land of Appalachia,
From good hearts
And Kentucky thoroughbreds,
From farms,
And bonfires,
From Folk art,
And life-long friends
From traditions
And tractors,
From bluegrass bands,
And Gospel Jubilees.
I am from lovers and haters,
From writers and readers,
From creators
of song and art.
I am from music,
From melodies
And harmonies,
My life is a song
With varied rhythms
Full of “Little Miss Magic”
And “One Step At A Time”
With bedtime songs
Instead of stories
I am from writers,
And doodlers,
From teachers
And editors,
Catching my every mistake,
Yet carefully encouraging
While giving flight to my dreams.
I am from normest of norms
And the untamed unusuals
I am from two families
Sharing one everlasting link,
And most of all
I am from love.
